My own journey has been testament to the truth that the version of masculine all women long for, will and only will, show up when we as women, become the version of feminine we each long for.
In these days of my life, I have men make beds for me and not try to lay in them; men cook delicious meals for me, create sacred space for me – and leave me to enjoy it alone; men listen wholeheartedly to my past wounds and current process, and not comment, judge or try to fix anything; men drive through the night after a long day’s work to give me energy in the form of healing, money and gratitude, out of their own intuitive feeling, when I have not asked it of them; men who are at hand to give perspective and loving warmth or just to share realities, whenever. These men are not family, not lovers – nor seek to be lovers; they are just men that are in my life, giving to me unconditionally.
In the past, this was not my experience of men, and never had been. Until you have claimed your rightful feminine, you will not even recognise this version of masculine – you would meet him and the impression he would make on you would be… ZERO. There would be no resonance for you, because he does not match the pattern you have within you that recognises and interplays only with the imbalanced masculine that corresponds with your imbalanced feminine.
I have devoted my life to healing and enlightenment since I first encountered these concepts when I was 19. I meditated daily for 12 years, accessing divine realms and interacting with heavenly allies, and have spent the last six years living life solely by the guidance of Spirit. I came to know my self as one with the Creator, a spirit inhabiting a temporary physical vehicle. I attained a level of wholeness within my self where I AM that I AM, living my truth and fulfilling my purpose in the world. Yet my relationship with men in the world was still not the balanced divine expression I knew it could be.
I only recently made the journey into my womb. Here I have come to understand that as a woman, divine self-realisation doesn’t qualify for residing in the sacred temple of your female body; your womb. Here is the root of your power, and unless you claim this space, hold it as absolute sacredness, become its Guardian and can commit to NEVER abandoning it again and dishonouring yourself by allowing another – man or woman – to misuse this space and harness your power, you will remain disconnected from the embodiment of the goddess that is your birth right.
Until I made that journey, I never lived in the root of my feminine temple. The region below my solar plexus felt wild, sexual, dirty, wounded and messy – and I just could not bring my energy to be present there. This abandonment however meant that I always compromised, giving my power or truth or body away more easily than I would have done if I was owning and honouring the full range of my self and feminine ground. Instead of thinking ‘maybe’ and convincing myself to go along with something, I would have thought, ‘maybe, but there is doubt, and therefore the answer is NO, because my full feminine self does not feel good about this and she is the ONLY ONE that I serve and honour.’
This core abandonment from my self, meant that I had several relationships that I had to extricate myself from because I did not feel honoured; meant that I chronically doubted myself, meant that I had the unfortunate experience of women trying to harness my creative energy for themselves, and men harnessing my female sexual energy for themselves.
The finale was a three-year relationship with a beautiful and well-intentioned man, the soul-mate I had searched for my whole life, at a time in my life where I was at my peak of power, truth and purpose. My feminine creative energy was burning the brightest it had ever been. My partner, whom I was deeply in love with and who only believed was serving me, was someone who nonetheless feeds off female energy – in an unconsciousness way that does not honour the feminine. My heart tried to tell me, but I was blinded by my love and our soul connection, and as I had not made claim to the root of this energy in the root of my body, I soon became completely drained of life force. Whilst he was full of energy, I was exhausted all the time, and he could not understand why, wanting more and more of me.
Leaving this relationship coincided with truly venturing into my womb for the first time. I was blown away by the beauty of the sacred space here, by the deep magic held by the centre of this space, the uterus, and the power and wisdom inherent in every other aspect of this temple ground. I was also filled with grief and gratitude, feeling the truth of my own abandonment, and had some work to do to purify this space again, bring healing to the past and making myself the rightful priestess of this temple and the power it holds.
In doing this work, the divine masculine showed up. I was not looking for him, and to begin with I did not trust him, but then I witnessed him come. And as I shed the blood of the past month’s cycle during my moontime, I shed the version of the masculine that I once knew, and welcomed into my womb the new masculine that honours me as I honour myself.
My conclusion is thus:
When a woman embodies her feminine and radiates her divine spirit, she attracts the kind of masculine that does not want to take anything from her, but only give to her. Simply being in her presence nourishes him and inspires him to provide for her so that she may continue to radiate in her divine feminine power.
Below is a vision that I journeyed with during this powerful time and as my moon came:
The Moon Goddess
There is a deep blackened lake of blood beneath a cold slither of crescent moon. Far below, the Priestess of the Underworld stands before a doorway to a tunnel. Her dress is flowing blue, she carries a fire-lit wand, and a black panther with eyes of golden flame, walks by her side.
She unlocks the door and steps into the darkness. As she walks through the stone tunnel, dark shadow forms race toward her and she absorbs them, taking them down into her womb, into her lake of blood where they are held, condensed and liquefied, before being released out of her body, a flow of red. Behind her trail, the tunnel is illuminated with white light.
She reflects on how she became the Priestess she is now; how she learnt to own the power in her womb and become the protector of her inner light. Moving through the darkness before her, taking in the shadows with ease, she now carries a sword. ‘In case I see a man,’ she thinks.
Suddenly struck by her own blood-thirst, by the deep ancestral anger that must still swell in her heart, she asks the Powers that this shadow too is released from within her. With a raging scream that shakes the underworld and causes the dark forms of the tunnel to cling to the walls, the sword smashes to the ground and dissolves. Her heart lightens. She drops to the floor, and the black panther moves close to lick her cheek.
When she looks up once more, she sees a faint golden light emanating from the far end of the tunnel. Moving through the tunnel, now an unknown void, the gold light brightens with every step, until she reaches the end. Standing before her is a man alight with divine radiance. She knows deep in her heart and womb, that this man seeks to take nothing from her, but rather has everything to give to her.
If you would like to connect more with your inner goddess and sacred feminine energy, there are several ways. The NEW EARTH MASTERY course works with the feminine master archetypes, and you'll work together with me and your full consciousness to embody all aspects of your unique goddess.
I also hold regular Goddess events: retreats, ecstatic awakening dances and workshops. check out the events page and join me!!